Season Ending
I wrote the following entry on Monday, September 22nd, the day after our sectionals tournament. I was unsure if I should publish my frank thoughts and they were relegated to the drafts folder—all but forgotten—until now.
The two days following our loss were particularly bad but I regained some perspective as the week progressed and immediate work responsibilities occupied me. Teammates chimed in, reminding us all of the months we had spent together, irrespective of wins and losses, and many of us reunited to celebrate Foster's imminent departure for Argentina.
And so I find myself ready to move on, to find joy in my season with Shadrach, and to put aside regret. Here then are my somewhat less lighthearted initial reactions and a somewhat vague conclusion, or lack thereof.
As if I awoke in autumn, Thursday morning was cold and dismal. And the weekend of sectionals was ushered in with gray and rain. Shadrach suited up with energy and excitement and fire.
And we lost all the games that mattered: D'oh, Shazam and Moonshine. We did not qualify for Regionals—congratulation to those mentioned above—and our season screeched (crashed?) to an unexpected and painful stop. There were moments of greatness and quality throughout and our defensive team was truly heroic in its attempted comebacks against Shazam and Moonshine.
But we lost.
And I played poorly—insignificantly. I had no appreciable positive effect on any of the three important games. I never felt that I was particularly involved, playing three points each against Shazam and Moonshine. My single point in the second half against Moonshine, in the game to go, I caught one and dumped it and then caught another and threw it away. I was disgusted with myself and felt disconnected from whatever part of me produced good Ultimate. Turned off.
So I didn't play again. I cheered and yelled and talked to our defense and did whatever I could to help from the sidelines. Despite a 4 – 8 deficit at half, we caught up to Moonshine at 13 – 14 before they scored the final point and sealed our fate.
I was shocked and humbled and devastated. We had worked for nearly six months to build Shadrach and the team's season was done far sooner than we could have imagined. There was nothing I could do or say. I wanted to apologize to the team, but for what? Instead I just kept quiet as we had a brief post-game huddle and then collected our belongings for departure.
One season ends; what begins? I've left NeonGecko and I work freelance. I'm still lonely. So it's autumn now, it's the fall. And I suppose it was time for some new colors around here anyway.