Waiting
If ever I love again, I will not wait to love as best as I can. We thought we were young and that there would be time to love well sometime in the future. This is a terrible way to think. It is no way to live, to wait to love.
I finished last night reading What is the What by Dave Eggers. This beautiful book moved me to tears over and over, even (or especially?) on my flight from Houston to Seattle. Yes, especially. Descending into the Pacific Northwest, I felt the echoes of a feeling of unrest from long ago, when I flew back into Los Angeles after living and working in Seattle for six weeks.
This is not right, I thought, back in 2004. I'm not supposed to be back here.
And at that moment two days ago, having departed from a life of joy, however unsustainable, in Costa Rica, and stirred by the telling of extreme hardship and transience in the life of Valentino Achak Deng, I was uncertain and dissatisfied. Am I supposed to live in Seattle? Is this right? Am I doing enough with my life? And already yesterday and today I am plagued by a persistent frustration and distraction in Seattle—an annoyance that nonetheless flitted away without fanfare on the warm ocean breeze for two weeks.
Don't get me wrong: I am happy in Seattle, but I am not altogether satisfied. A day may come when such an arrangement is not enough and I will depart for new vistas. Or maybe I am just adjusting poorly to the lack of surf.
From Eric
Commented February 3rd, 2009 7:33 pm
Drew --
I think you're in serious need of another big adventure to look forward to. Perhaps Spain in May for a month? I could use a roommate and compatriot for exploring the tapas bars and clubs. Though we might need to update our wardrobes to fit in.
Eric
P.S. Who says it's unsustainable? You define the boundaries of your life -- no one else. Think big and let nothing hold you back.
From Kendra
Commented February 5th, 2009 5:10 pm
I was in a deep funk for 2-3 days after returning from Lei Out. It was so so so so nice to feel the sun on my skin, to reconnect with old friends, to make new ones, and to be silly and irresponsible. It was hard coming back to CT, to the mundaneness of life here, and to the uncertainty of what my future holds.
Recently someone who knows me well asked why I was so happy playing Ultimate / at Ultimate tournaments, and why I was so unhappy in grad school. She asked how I was different in the two -- and whether I couldn't bring some of who I am during Ultimate back with me to the "real world". Geography and activity and vacation (and Ultimate) can do a lot for the psyche, but changing our inner psyche can do a lot, too. Not sure if this applies to you, but it was an eye-opener for me.
Best of luck,
-Kendra