Leaving Seattle and Looking South
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This story is impossible to write perfectly.
This story is a smell and a feeling and a smile and three years and a half years of big life changes and rain. Seattle has treated me well and for that I am thankful. I have experienced such fantastic joy and friendship and love and growth and food and coffee here.
But I have been sad in Seattle as well and often a bit lost. I could simply continue my life here, and such would not be disagreeable, but I would do so lacking faith and ease in the direction of my life. If you have spoken to me in the last year, you know this feeling of mine and you are familiar with my uncertainty.
I awoke this morning in a cave created by my soft, cozy bed and my cold room and the growing rain and dark outside of Seattle autumn. I knew, upon waking, that I would be purchasing a one-way plane ticket from Boston, Massachusetts to Liberia, Guanacaste, Costa Rica for January 4th, 2010. One-way, in that I am not returning to Seattle following my month working and surfing in sunny Tamarindo. I am leaving Seattle on December 22nd, eight weeks from tomorrow. This is real.
Yes, I know that is really super soon and I know that you will miss me. I will miss you, too.
The beach, and the waves, and all of Latin America beckon and what can I do? If not now, when?
I will continue from Tamarindo to Bolivia and I will live there. I will live in the country where my father, Federico Antonio d'Avis, was born and I will connect with my family there and I will find the street in Cochabamba that shares my name and that of mi abuelo, Doctor Carlos Andrés d'Avis. I will live in Chile and I will live in Argentina. I will eat salteñas. I will climb Machu Picchu, as I have dreamed of doing since I learned of its existence over two decades ago.
I will remember what it is to feel challenged in the minutiae of my daily life and I will remember how to speak Spanish well and I will find time alone in my head. I will think about where I live and where I have lived and how I want to live the rest of my life. I will think about how to find love and whether that is actually defined as someone to have babies with in the next ten years. And I will, of course, be updating Twitter and continuing work as a web developer. Honest, I asked my clients! They said I could!
And I will return... probably. I mean: totally. Yes, I will totally be back to the United States in June. I cannot promise where I will live when I return. I don't even have a flight out of Costa Rica yet so, please, be patient. I love you, and all the Malbec in Mendoza couldn't change that.
From brookr
Commented October 26th, 2009 11:36 am
Happy adventuring, friend. I'm glad that you are taking such a voracious bite of life while the option is open for you. Viva la vida!
From Neva
Commented October 26th, 2009 12:15 pm
I like the Camera Obscura song and I'm happy that you're going. It can get a little lonely but it's totally, totally worth it, I promise you that. We should talk more sometime - maybe not in these crazy last 8 weeks, but in those first few months after Costa Rica (that's when I needed it the most, anyway). GOOD LUCK. It's going to be great.
From arnie
Commented October 26th, 2009 12:37 pm
I hope you find it. And great choice of music for this post.
From ea
Commented October 26th, 2009 12:39 pm
Oh Drew...!
This is a beautiful:heartbreaking:inspiring decision. I am so grateful to have known you locally, to have been enriched by every encounter. You are a treasure and a delight, and I will not-too-terribly-begrudgingly transition to enjoying you remotely. { hugs! }
From Scott
Commented October 26th, 2009 5:59 pm
Awesome! Totally jealous!
From Cindy
Commented October 26th, 2009 9:51 pm
Hopefully we can meet in Bolivia next summer!
From drew
Commented October 26th, 2009 10:56 pm
Thank you all for the kind notes and well wishes. I'm looking forward to sharing this all with you, whether I see you abroad or over a beverage back in the States or as a visitor on my blog here.
From Maribeth
Commented October 27th, 2009 1:13 pm
Peace my friend! I can't wait to hear the story...
"He discovered his reset button early on & there were not many things that bothered him all the rest of his days just because of that. " ~ B. Andres
From Melanie
Commented October 29th, 2009 10:59 am
What does it mean when we leave a place? I used to know all the cracks on the sidewalks of Beland Avenue. Does that street remember me? If were to never go to Kingswood Lake again, would the trees and water and mountains and loons miss me?
Will you pound the nail all the way into the post before you leave?
From drew
Commented November 3rd, 2009 9:57 am
Maribeth, I am so excited to see you at New Years. And is this the Brian Andreas "Reset Button" to which you refer?
Mom, I don't quite have an answer to your question. I am trying and failing, in this moment, to remember the sidewalks by my old house in Claremont. Regardless, Kingswood Lake would definitely miss you.
From Nina
Commented November 4th, 2009 9:10 am
But Max, the King of All Wild Things, was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all...so he gave up being king of where the wild things are. But the wild things cried, "Oh, please don't go! We'll eat you up, we love you so!" But Max said "No!" and climbed into his boat and sailed off, through night and day, in and out of weeks, and almost over a year, into the night of his very own room where he found his supper waiting for him.. and it was still hot.
From Melanie
Commented November 6th, 2009 5:14 pm
Life is so beautiful and wonderful and painful that at times it rips the heart right out of my chest.
Love from your Mom
From arnie
Commented March 24th, 2010 1:46 pm
Sarah and I thought of you yesterday - at Cafe Presse for breakfast - over broiled eggs with ham - Camera Obscura was playing in the background - good start to a lovely day.
From drew
Commented March 29th, 2010 6:52 am
Ah, Arnie, you're making me nostalgic for Seattle! Thanks for thinking of me, and my best to you and Sarah.
From Roads Home
Commented May 6th, 2010 2:16 pm
[...] and lament this chosen solitude, I find peace in a Camera Obscura song and the words once written: Leaving Seattle and Looking South, from October 26th, 2009. The song is still haunting and the words are still heartening. I made the [...]